Paparazzi Watch: James Bond and Miss Moneypenny Spotted Tending Sheep in Upcountry Maui!
Wouldn’t it be great if you could catch up on fictitious characters’ lives? We really need some kind of “where are they now…” column that would get us all up-to-date on the latest kitchen renovation of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, and Harry Potter’s nonprofit that’s building a tiny house village for underprivileged children in Seuss’s Whoville. Well just imagine your surprise to learn that an unnamed “source” has confirmed that James Bond and Miss Moneypenny have been raising sheep in Kula all these years!
So What’s the Source of this “Unnamed Source”?
The source of this breaking news is my imagination: when I entered the property at 17085 Haleakala Highway, I was convinced I had entered their reclusive upcountry hideaway. But let me tell you something that you may not have known about James Bond and Miss Moneypenny, and that is that they have exquisite taste. Well of course there’s the cascading lava wall with fountain that may not appeal to everyone, but that’s the only thing that James demanded did not change from his original 1970s vision. Moneypenny, on the other hand, has transformed this house and brought it crashing into the 2020s with an exceedingly sensitive and sophisticated eye.
In a Puzzling Twist, Villains and Spys and Subterfuge are Nowhere to be Found Here
Long gone are the days when villains would show up at parties and enact nefarious plans to overthrow James and Moneypenny‘s illicit love affair. Things are more pastoral now. James had a rude awakening after he was briefly put out of commission by a mild stroke. His recuperation process allowed him to epiphanize [SIC] that he was ready for the Majestic pastoral beauty of upcountry Maui. Meanwhile Moneypenny eschewed the Los Angeles temptation to go under the plastic surgeon’s knife: she wears her wrinkles with fierce pride. Using her sharp wit as her primary weapon and still flashing that flirtatious and confident glint in her eye, she has ended up exactly where she always knew she would be. Sharing a life with her beloved James and tending to their sheep and organic vegetables at this gorgeous upcountry hideaway.
Moneypenny’s Ascent to Unimaginable Wealth from Her Humble Roots Explained
Oh and make no mistake, Money Penny is the primary breadwinner here. While James was galavanting around the globe wooing every woman he could get his eyes on, he was also bankrupting himself with foolish investments, pyramid marketing scams, and impulse purchases. Moneypenny on the other hand had strong conviction in Bitcoin in early 2012 and has amassed a giant fortune after magnifying and fattening her portfolio by leveraging junk bond credit swaps in the 2008 financial crisis thus becoming one of Britain’s wealthiest women. This is her house, and they live by her rules. Presently, rather than concentrating on fattening her considerable store of wealth, she prefers singing to the sheep and fattening them instead.
What’s Next for Cinema’s Most Scandalous Pair?
Moneypenny had been one of Elon Musk’s earliest advisors after meeting each other in a tech conference afterparty aboard a Moroccan prince’s yacht in the Black Sea. Due to her elite status as a first stage venture capitalist with SpaceX, Moneypenny has secured the real estate rights to the first Mega Resort on Mars! They have now decided to sell their beloved Kula property and soar into new orbits. This means you can actually BUY THEIR HOUSE!
FAKE NEWS CORRECTION:
Updated: It seems my imagination is not to be trusted. Here’s what’s true though about this property. It is for sale and it is FABULOUS, and it does have a flock of sheep and a vegetable garden. It is listed by my friends and colleagues Elena Panigada and Linda Briske, and the Brokerage offering this amazing property for sale is Island Sotheby’s International Realty. I can represent you as a buyer for this amazing property! Thanks to Elena and Linda for granting access to the property and thank you, dear reader, for playing along.